Let's get to work...

I know moms who have lost a child.  Some had miscarriages, others stillborn babies and even one who lost a teenager.  I see stories on social media, hear of tragedies on the news and have been asked to pray for families who have experienced a loss.  I never thought it would happen to me.  When I found out last May that I was pregnant with twins I was so excited.  I think a lot of people would be nervous or overwhelmed or even terrified.  I will admit to moments when those feelings crept in, but I was mostly just happy.  As a mommy of two children already it was easy for me to picture two more healthy babies and I was looking forward to the bond they would have with each other and their older siblings.  I pictured their nursery, ordered matching outfits and dreamed of all the fun experiences we would have with twins.  What I never imagined was loosing one of them.  I never thought that my babies might get sick.  I never dreamed of taking them to the ER when they were five days old.  I didn't even think it was a possibility to have an extended stay in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, in fact I didn't even know there was such a place.  It never even entered my mind...but it happened.  It happened to us and we are still in shock.  Now that it has happened the question is how to keep living after this type of heartbreak.  I think that we might expect to loose a parent, maybe even a sibling or spouse in our lifetime.  Not that any loss is easier or harder, but I think it's just different to lose a child.  How do I move on when a baby who is supposed to be a part of my family is no longer here?  How do I enjoy every moment with my children when in the back of my mind I am thinking of what my baby would be doing if he were here in this moment?  How do I look at his twin sister in all her beauty and not wonder what he would look like?  Would he walk before or after her?  Would his laugh sound like hers?  What about his smile, his coo, his voice?  How do I live in a life I wasn't expecting?  A life missing someone who should be in it?  Honestly, I don't think there is any right or wrong way to move on, you just do.  You keep going and try to create a new normal but in a way it will never be normal again.  When his sister has a school performance in kindergarten I will video and smile but also be wondering about her brother.   Would he have been standing next to her?  Would he be shy or excited to be in front of a crowd?   I imagine when my oldest son gets married and I wonder if his bother would have been his best man.  What about when his siblings have children, what would he have been like as an uncle?  Nothing will be normal - no christmas, birthday, graduation, soccer game or family dinner.  It will never be normal again because he isn't here and him being here is my expectation of "normal."  So if there is no "new normal," how can we create a life where we live without him but also with him.  I think everyone would do it differently - no right, no wrong - just different.  Our way of honoring his life is by striving to bring glory to God through loving others.  I have never doubted that God is good and I have never doubted that he gave us Will for a reason- for multiple reasons - and probably many of those reasons we may never know.  I know for sure that he gave us Will as a blessing, for our joy and the joy of everyone around him.  I know that he gave us Will because having Will, even for only 96 days, brought Him more glory than if we had never had him.  He was a little boy who made a huge impact in a short amount of time, so it only seems right to continue that impact with whatever amount of time we have left before we see him again.  So we created this foundation, The Will King Foundation, to channel all of the support we have received into something good, something helpful, something that will point to Christ.  We pray that through it we can help other families and children and that the Gospel would be proclaimed.  We don't really know what to do, so why not work.  Why not work to help others, work to proclaim Christ and work to honor our son.  I can't think of any reasons not to, so let's get to work...