Light shone from him

I just finished listened to Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor.  It was an interesting read in which Taylor explores our discomfort with the dark.  She studied the dark in many different ways, from exploring a cave to participating in a simulation of what it is like to be blind, and shared what she learned about herself, about God and about the world in the dark.  In this exploration of the dark she inevitably encounters light but in new and different ways than we may be accustomed to.  At the end of the book she writes, “Do I want the kind of light that shines on things or shines from them.”  I haven’t been able to get that out of my head.  On or from.  A simple preposition but it makes all the difference.  I don’t know if this is what she intended, but my first thought was in regards to people, specifically Will.  Light shone from him.  There was an undeniable quality about him that I can’t quite name but something about him could only be described as light.  Good, pure, innocent and bright.  I started thinking about people who shine light from within and when I really got to thinking about who I know that possesses that unspecific quality of inner brightness I could only identify a few.  Then I started thinking about what those few have in common, what it is that makes them shine light from within.  Maybe it’s joy.  Maybe the people who have the most joy somehow spill it over to all of us and that joy hits us like headlights on a dark night.  Or perhaps it’s strength.  The ones who are strong and incorruptible might beam their light upon us by showing their might.  It could be the generous ones.  The ones who are always giving, thinking of others above themselves and letting the generosity that lights their hearts on fire pour over into the lives of those around them.  I think it might be these people, they might be the ones who shine a light from within - the joyful, strong and generous.  But I think the brightest ones, the ones who exude the shiniest light with the most consistence, are the grateful ones.

We sing a song at church sometimes called “So Will I.”  It’s a beautiful song and for some reason it makes me think about Will every time we sing it.  I imagine him in Heaven with this magnificent God described in the song.  One of the first lines in the song is “You spoke to the dark and fleshed out the wonder of light.”   God made light out of darkness when He created the universe and I believe he is creating light out of darkness again right here before our eyes.  Having sick children, holding Will in my arms as he took his last breath and every day after that has been dark.  But God.  But God has made it into light.  Will’s light shines into the hearts of every child we have the opportunity to impact.  God is using what could steal our joy and destroy our gratitude for something that honors and glorifies Himself.  More people will know about Jesus because they know about Will.  That’s my hope anyways.  The end of the song goes like this:

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I


Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

I don’t think there is anything I could write to describe how I feel about Will and what God is doing through his life better than those lyrics.  I can see His heart in everything He has done.  Every part a work of art called love.  If He surrendered His life for mine, I will surrender mine for His glory.  It might not look the way I hoped for or desired.  I would gladly hand everything back if I could just have Will with me.  But this is where we are, a path intended for evil that God is using it for good and I will be grateful.  It comes with pain and heartache and loss over and over again.  Every single day.  When I look at my children, His children, the ones who He died to save from an eternity apart from Him then I can see clearly, knowing what is good and pure and light.  “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19).  ALL.  If God has given us a light that shines from within us then we are called to shine that light on all people.  With joy and strength and generosity and gratitude we move forward, one day at a time, missing Will but striving to remember the light he had within and letting it energize us to do all that God has called us to.